What Is Trauma?
When people hear the word trauma, they often think of extreme or catastrophic events—war, abuse, natural disasters, or serious accidents. While those experiences absolutely can be traumatic, this narrow definition leaves many people wondering, “If nothing that extreme happened to me, why do I still feel this way?”
Trauma is not defined solely by what happened to you. Trauma is defined by how your nervous system experienced and stored what happened.
At its core, trauma is an overwhelming experience that exceeds your ability to cope at the time it occurred. When something feels too much, too fast, or too painful—especially without adequate support—your brain and body may adapt in ways that help you survive in the moment, but later create distress, patterns, or symptoms that no longer serve you.
Trauma Is About Impact, Not Intent
One of the most important things to understand about trauma is this:
Two people can experience the same event, and only one may be traumatized.
This doesn’t mean one person is “weaker” or “more sensitive.” It means their nervous systems, histories, ages, support systems, and internal resources were different at the time. Trauma is deeply personal and subjective.
What matters most is how safe, supported, and resourced you felt when it happened—not whether others think it “should” have been traumatic.
Big T Trauma
Big T trauma refers to events that are widely recognized as traumatic because they involve a clear threat to life, bodily integrity, or safety.
Examples of Big T trauma may include:
Physical, sexual, or emotional abuse
Domestic violence
Serious accidents or medical trauma
Natural disasters
Combat or war exposure
Sudden loss of a loved one
Assault or violent crime
These experiences often overwhelm the nervous system and can lead to symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, emotional numbing, anxiety, or panic.
Because Big T trauma fits society’s definition of trauma, people are often more likely to recognize it and seek support for it.
Little T Trauma
Little T trauma refers to experiences that may not involve overt danger or catastrophe, but are still emotionally overwhelming—especially when they happen repeatedly or during vulnerable developmental stages.
Examples of Little T trauma may include:
Chronic criticism, shaming, or emotional invalidation
Growing up with emotionally unavailable or unpredictable caregivers
Being bullied or socially excluded
Feeling responsible for a parent’s emotions
Experiencing repeated rejection or abandonment
Living in a high-conflict or emotionally unsafe home
Medical procedures without adequate comfort or explanation
Being told your feelings were “too much,” “wrong,” or “not important”
Individually, these moments may seem small or dismissible. Collectively, they can shape core beliefs such as:
“I’m not good enough.”
“My needs/I don’t matter.”
“I have to stay on guard.”
“I’m unsafe being myself.”
Many people minimize these experiences because they were never taught to see them as trauma. Yet Little T trauma can have a profound impact on self-worth, relationships, emotional regulation, and the ability to feel safe in the world.
Why So Many People Don’t Realize They’ve Experienced Trauma
You may not identify with the word trauma if:
“Nothing terrible” happened
Others had it worse
You were told to be grateful
You learned to function, perform, or succeed despite the pain
Survival often looks like competence, independence, or emotional shutdown. Many people with trauma histories are high-functioning, responsible, and outwardly successful—while internally feeling anxious, disconnected, exhausted, or numb.
If you struggle with things like:
Chronic anxiety or depression
Avoidance or emotional shutdown
People-pleasing or perfectionism
Difficulty trusting others
Intense self-criticism
Feeling stuck despite insight
…it may not be a personal failure or character flaw. It may be the residue of unresolved trauma.
A Gentle Invitation to Take the Next Step
If you’re reading this and recognizing pieces of your own story—especially experiences you never thought of as “trauma”—you don’t have to sort through it alone.
I offer a free consultation call as a low-pressure way to connect, ask questions, and see if working together feels like a good fit. There is no obligation—just an opportunity to be heard and supported as you consider your next step.
You are welcome to reach out when you’re ready.
Healing is not about what should have hurt. It’s about honoring what actually did.
